How To Be A Horrible Recruiter

If you are good recruiter, there is nothing interesting about you. You read through resumes and pay attention to what is written there. You care not only about placing the candidate, but also about candidate interests – or at least you pretend well that you do. You respond to your candidates quickly. You keep them well informed about the selection process and the timeline. You take time to let the candidate know if they weren’t selected. BOOOOORING!

Now listen to me. Having quite some experience on both sides of the table I will teach you how to be a horrible recruiter and add to that pool of hatred that hundreds of people already feel towards the recruiters.

1. Never read the resume past the phone number and email address part (2nd and 3rd line – I’m helping you out). Really, who cares if the candidate’s only relationship with software was translation services for the software testing company. The person was able to spell “software”, of course they will be able to write code, manage databases or supervise a group of iOS developers. Network Engineering? Bring it on!

2. Candidate has salary requirements? What a nerve! You have to fill this 30K position asap, so if the person with 20 years of progressive experience has to come down from their absolutely unreasonably inflated 6 figures salary to what your position pays, it’s no big deal. They don’t need their fancy house anyway, and they can probably sort the daycare pay somehow. They can, right?

3. Never respond to candidate’s question about the position.  They are so nosy wanting to know the salary, the location, the benefits, the selection process and timeline, I can’t even. Once they spend weeks of their time interviewing and  get a blister on their thumb from constantly refreshing their inbox in case you sent them something, and are finally selected, you will surprise them with the location in Nothingville, OC (Other Coast) and salary that is 30% lower than what they are making now. Come on, everybody loves surprises!

4. Get angry if God forbid you have the candidate who is blunt enough to tell you right away that they won’t be able to accept the proposed salary or location of the position.  Unleash your fury! Inform your talent they will never be able to find a job  that pays that well. Remind them they are completely unreasonable thinking they are worth something. If you are lucky enough and your talent is a foreigner, you can always play “In this country” card. “In this country you won’t be able to find a job that does not involve 45 minutes long commute” – works perfect with a person who has the job with 10 minutes commute.

Jokes aside, I know many great recruiters, who are so good at what they do. But some of the folks just need to get their act together.

 

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