And before I knew it, another month passed by. Alessandra is 2 months old today and I am proud of making it through another month, mostly sane and keeping Ale a happy and healthy baby.
She changed and learned a lot during the second month of her life. She is no longer a newborn caterpillar but looks more and more like a little girl. She smiles a lot, coos and talks and giggles when she manages to grab her Daddy by the nose or when I tickle her belly. She is very polite and when hungry, she will give you many opportunities to fix this mistake before it’s too late. But if you decided to take your sweet time instead of responding to her cues – beware. The Voice. THE Voice!
Overall, life has become more predictable – I guess they don’t lie when they tell you it’s getting better with the time. Alessandra figured the difference between day and night (with our help) and I am no longer a zombie, just a regular sleep-deprived woman. We introduced the bottle and now we can be out with her for several hours without me needing to whip my breasts out to nurse. And two days ago she even stayed with her babysitter as we enjoyed the date night just two of us.
Now how this month felt to me.
My postpartum blues has luckily started to fade away, though I am still emotional AF, and has made room for many moms’ best friend – guilt. I woke her up because we had an early doctor appointment? Guilty! Had my breakfast and not entertained herwhile she was peacefully laying in her bouncer minding her own business? Guilty! Didn’t take her for a walk because it was -15C and windy? Guilty! Took her for three hours long walk and she was in her car seat all this time? (our stroller is a travel system) Oh so guilty! Planning to go back to work in a month? Don’t get me started on this one, because this dilemma has me up in the arms every minute of the day for the past few weeks. If anyone reading this knows any recipes to get rid of the mommy guilt, let me know – I haven’t figured it out yet.
Another big revelation of the second month into motherhood – Whatever Works. As they say, I used to have zero kids and ten theories how to raise them, now I have one kid and zero theories. Well, not that bad, I still try to follow my beliefs when it comes to how we do things with Ale, but I completely stopped judging others. Breastfed? Good. Formula? Good. Both formula and breastfed? Good. Co-sleeping? Good. Sleeping in her crib from day 1? Good. Rocking to sleep? Good. Cry it out? Good. Whatever works, I am telling you. Because you know what? You may have it all planned and mapped out, but your child is their own person and can easily throw a monkey wrench into whatever you imagined and pictured and planned.
Despite the fact that after becoming a mother you are pretty much never alone, motherhood can feel very lonely sometimes. And I am ever so grateful to my friends, who kept me company in real life and online, who checked on me, listened to me, consoled me, supported me, shared their experiences or talked about something completely non-child related to distract me. I love you and appreciate you all!
The hardest part so far is still making the (right) decisions. I literally question myself on everything I do. Is it too long in the car seat? Should I start feeding her on schedule? Should I do things differently when it comes to her daytime naps? Is this overall too warm? The struggle is real and it’s more exhausting than sleepless nights, at least to me.
Also. Why no one tells you that you need mama the most when you become mama yourself?
Last but not least. Probably the biggest thing actually. I am falling in love with her more and more every day. I was not one of those women who fell head over heels in love with their child after the positive pregnancy test. Or first ultrasound. Or second one. Not even when I first held her in my arms. God know how much I have beaten myself for this during the first weeks. Some people told me that women who get crazy in love with their kids from 1st minute are an urban legend, but let’s assume they do exist. But now when Alessandra smiles at me, when she squeezes herself between my cheek and my shoulder during those 4am feeds, when she says “Aguuuuuu” after her little tummy is full, my heart melts as a freaking butter on a sizzling frying pan and I know I’m ready to do anything it takes to keep her happy.
Oh, and I am still amazed at how two people with dark hair and dark eyes could produce a greyish-blue-eyed blonde girl. 😁